Close to the end

The anxiety I felt from the horrifying surgery has been too much to bare. I have been left dealing with somataform disorder or 'somatic' disorder. I blame myself, it was my choice to believe in plastic surgery that ruined my life. It was one persons decision to do 'standard' procedures and ruin my body which led to severe panic attacks and severe pain manifesting in my body. I've been praying to god day and night to undo the plastic surgery operations I've had. I don't understand why Dr Corazon didn't listen to me and why she decided to do something completely different to what we agreed.  But I have a feeling it is because she wanted to train two trainees in standard procedures.

I'm left here to bare the pain and regret. And it's too much for me. I'm left taking pain killers and muscle relaxants. This is a lesson learned the hard way. I wish I fought my desire for plastic surgery.

This just goes to show folks, when the Devil arises, the weak go forth. And that's exactly what happened. The Devil whispered in her ear and she said yes. Because apparently training two students and making a little extra $$$ is that important.

The worst part is she really lied about her offences even though she did nothing in our agreement.

I take accountability for trusting a greedy person with my body.

Now I am going to succumb to death. Because I can't handle the anxiety of what has happened to my body.

People remember don't believe in plastic surgery.

It's not worth it when it ruins your life.

The mistake that almost cost me my life

In December 2013 I decided to see a cosmetic surgeon for plastic surgery following frustrations about not being able to acheive the body I desire.

Me and the surgeon agreed to the following;

Buccal fat pad removal
Liposuction under the chin
Liposuction around the waist
Rhinoplasty revision

I advised the surgeon that I wanted the nose straightened and the tip projected forwards, a slight sucked in look with my buccal fat pads, and waist lipo.

The surgeon seemed confident she would deliver the result she promised. I showed her photoshopped pictures of exactly how I wanted my nose and cheeks. When I was in her office I even put nose splints in my nose to further demonstrate the appearance I desired. Not once did she decline nor tell me what I wanted was unachievable.

When I awoke from the aneasthesia the result was my worst nightmare come to reality. My nose was sketchy thin (it was not swollen at that point), it had a dorsal hump and elongated downwards promptly, furthermore than I had ever had in my life and the tip was very pointy and pinched. I would say it was quite opposite to what I desired.

I expressed my extreme distaste for what I found embedded in the middle of my face. The surgeon told me it looked fine and that the tip would lift. It did not.

Furthermore I noticed a lumpiness and hardenning up of tissue on my ribcage area. I realised this area was not the area that was marked for liposuction.

As time went by, I formed two indentations on my cheeks and my body had formed an odd hour glass shape with my lovehandles portruding out. The tip of my nose continued to droop over time. The premaxillary area of the nose became depressed into my face. The nose began to form into a thin, pinched beak like shape. My left ear cartlidge was also over resected and disappeared into the side of my head. An awful odour also began to omit out of my left ear - the ear to which cartlidge was resected.

6 months later I booked a flight to see a nose specialist who was famed for fixing botched noses. The surgery took in total 5 hours. The appearance was much improved.

With prayer and meditation I was able to activate a process which allowed my buccal fat pads to grow back. They began to grow back and as did some of my ear cartlidge.

Over time I was becoming increasingly ill and tired. Doctors were not able to find the problem. I had begun hellucinating at that point; such as, seeing objects duplicate disappear and re-appear, and fearing family members were part of a spiritual conspiracy to have me 'pass over'. Finally, I sought assistance from a bicom practitioner. She found numerous bacteria including borrelia bugderfori and bartonella henslai - common in lymes disease sufferers.

In 2016 I sought treatment with bicom but results were limited. I decided to buy my own rife machine called 'Spooky2'. I have been stradily treating myself with herbs and rife. I have improved much so, I am no longer hellucinating and the stench coming out of my left ear has ended, however I am still very fatigued and bedridden. I am on a course of antibiotics, herbs and rife.

Most of my buccal fat pads have revealed itself and some of my ear cartlidge has returned. The waist liposuction has still left me with very obvious streaks around my rib cage, indentations and an oddly shape. My nose is much improved however it has reduced in size, I continue to enlargen my nose in pictures.

At the moment revision surgery is out of the question as I am far too ill and my money has gone towards healing my body. I am also smoking to help me cope with the crippling depression and anxiety I feel everyday.

I fear I will never be beautiful again.