When will this end

I cancelled my appointment with the bicom practitioner as I am just too tired. Emotionally I've settled down a little. I opted instead to purchase a health analyser. Thats another $600. Woah, this journey is expensive. Thanks to god I don't have to worry about my buccal fat pad but Im in despair that I have no hope in obtaining the body I desire.

I am finding myself falling deeper into sickness. I never imagined a trip to the Philippines to see a 'famed' surgeon would land me down this road. So what, that was just $5,000 for her.

I feel really douped. Now im fighting for my life. 8 months down of treatment. My main progress is that I'm no longer going to the hospital... well at least not as often.

So the trip cost me $9,000 altogether. With that money I spent, I recieved an attrocious result and a serious decline of my health... to the point of almost death.

I'm not sure I am going to survive this. Unless they give me antibiotic drips, this may be a long road of hell.

I'm not sure what kind of infection I got from her surgery or what caused it. But I am very very sick and im succombing to the reality that a trip to this surgeon cost me more than money, losing my beauty, it may probably cost me my life.

After her surgery I was battling severe anxiety, hurt, anger, severe fatigue and frustration. I attempted suicide twice. I did not want to look like that. That nose was my worst nightmare. It was worse than my biological nose. I gave up. I choose to die rather than live with that result.

But attempting suicide was far harder than I thought. God must be keeping me alive for a reason.

6 months after the surgery I had my nose revised in thailand. The whole trip cost me $10,000 altogether, I had to take half of that off my credit card but nothing was going to stop me from revising it. He wasn't able to give me what I wanted but it was much much better. I pushed myself to get up and see him. I didn't have much of a choice. I didn't come this far to look worse than ever. On my way back through the manilla airport, I almost collapsed. But I made it. God gave me the strength to survive those 2 weeks and come back home, he saw me through.

I couldn't believe someone would give me a pointy, droopy nose with a pinched tip and tell me she gave me a 'beautiful aladdin nose' wtf this lady is completely messed up. If I had known she was a fruad, god knows I would be in a better position.

So ive been taking allot of herbs and now, decided to make my own tinctures. Im being pro-active. Im at deaths door but this aint what god wants for me. I feel like he has told me in my heart than he needs me to stay and heal people. Ive noticed that allot of people are battling hard to treat infections in this era.

Surely this world cannot be a cruel, unforgiving place, full of false smiles and deception.

There must be someone in the Philippines who is ethical, compassionate, knowledgable and experienced who would give way to their analytical mind to see that justice must be served.

Surely I'm not alone. Surely god will send me someone to help me out of this predicament. Or am I expected to heal myself and fix this surgeons so called 'mistakes'. Sure, like its a mistake to ignore patient needs and wants while deliberately misleading them into thinking you will give them what they want.

I didn't know there were such fake deceptive people in this world and that I would fall victim to them.

I don't know who on earth would see someone so they can impose on them what they want against their will.

If I knew she had this distorted idea in mind god knows I would run.

I wish I could have read her mind...

But then again I did... on the day of the surgery in the hospital a surge of panic came through me, I knew something was wrong. I made her promise to just straighten my nose. I thought everything else was basically well understood. My intuition did pick up something was wrong.

She held my hand before I went under anesthesia and said "Don't worry, you're in good hands".

I should have trusted myself and backed out, but I thought it was just fear. It was more than that, it was an inner warning.

I learned from that experience to trust a person on their work, never their word. Surgeons don't put their work online if its terrible. But that doesn't stop them from doing it.

It would be nice to live in a world where people honour their word.

I think she is a demonic person. I think she imposed her own desire of what I should look like on me, which was totally wrong for me. The best way to choose a surgeon, is to see if their work fits in with your vision. Nobody will go out their way for you.

But I hope not to get anymore surgery, just enough to fix what has gone wrong.

Ok I have to go hard on the herbs and rife. Im deeply sick and the only thing that is sustaining me is god. The antibiotics scare me. They exasperated problems with my heart.

Patience. Patience... God please bring the right lawyer to me!!

Vahid.